Blame McDonalds…

12 05 2009

… however, on second thoughts, I think that is too harsh of a headline!

This article takes a report from here and discusses the central reason for the downfall of the Tamil Tigers (LTTE) in Sri Lanka.

Basically, consider a fighting force of rebels, so powerful that they manage to hold at bay a national army that has the unofficial support of India & the UK. But still, the Tamils manage to fight and all for a silver of land up north.

But fight they did. Ever since the early 80s, the Sri Lankan forces have been trying, off and on, to declare the dossier closed, but to no avail.  But now, the rebels have been cornered in their last stringhold and the military has launched a full scale offensive and things seem good for the govt, bad for the rebels.

But how?How on earth did this happen to such a ruthless fighting force, led by a master-strategist like Velupillai Prabhakaran? Surely it can’t be anything the Sri Lankans have done – they’ve been fighting without success against the guerrilla group for decades. Why, even the Indian Army couldn’t do much against these suicidal guys.No, the blame for the LTTE’s great debacle lies squarely on the well-padded shoulders of Prabhakaran himself. The simple but awful truth is that he has committed the most heinous sin a guerrilla can ever commit —

*drum roll please*

He has become fat.

O_O          WTF!!

He even explains!!

Leading a sedentary life in the jungles of northern Sri Lanka, the LTTE leader often found time hanging heavily on his hands. Like so many of us, Prabhakaran succumbed to the temptation of eating the hours away. Starting with jackfruit and pumpkin idlis, he moved on to jaggery dosas and sweet pongal rice, though he soon abandoned these patriotic recipes for more sinful savouries. Cakes and ice-cream followed and some say he even dumped rasam for sweet French sauces. But it was when he started on chocolates and Black Forest cakes that the bulge really began to grow and soon he was the proud possessor of the largest revolutionary paunch in history.



This isn’t the first time, though, that a revolution has failed because its leader became too fat. […] The Shining Path band of Maoist guerrillas used to terrorise Peru in the nineties, before their leader, Abimael Guzman, was captured.. […] Imagine the surprise of the Peruvian army when they saw[…]a baby-faced, pudgy professor […]nobody, not even a Peruvian peasant, would want to fight for such a ridiculously fat man.

What if…!?

Would Che Guevara have become such a romantic rebel if he had chubby cheeks and a double chin? Would the Russian Revolution have happened with an over-fed Lenin? And is Osama bin Laden in hiding because he’s scared the Americans will get him, or is it because he has become so fat that he can no longer conceal his tummy under his robes?

Hahha! Maybe we can credit McDonalds for quelling rebellions and civil wars! 🙂